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This is the fourth of our five part series on “Are you a good listener?”  We’ve covered attending behaviours and open questions. Using the skill of paraphrasing also shows you are actively listening.

Paraphrasing is reflecting on the essense of feeling and essence of meaning.

After listening to someone, you can use paraphrasing to show that you understand both the feeling and the content of what the person was saying. Paraphrasing isn’t summarizing. That is a different skill. Paraphrasing is short and to the point!

For example, a coworker might say:

“I’m really glad the office relocation project is finished. It was hard work. I had to work weekends and long hours, and there were problems and people issues to deal with. But at the same time, I feel like something is missing now that the project is over.”

You might paraphrase: 

“You’re happy to get back to a normal work schedule, but you’re sad because you’ll miss the challenge and excitement of the project.”

This allows the person to either agree with your statement or to clarify if this isn’t what they are feeling or meaning to say. The person might say “Absolutely!“  or “No way. I’m glad it’s over.”

Paraphrasing can be tricky because you don’t want to be a “parrot” and repeat word for word what the other person said. They might look at you strangely and say,  “I just told you that.” “Parrot” paraphrasing will backfire because the person will think – “Isn’t this person listening to me?”

Why is paraphrasing important?

Paraphrasing is important because it shows you understand and are listening, it clarifies misperceptions, and helps build relationships.

Active listening through paraphrasing – try it the next time you are in a discussion with someone! You might be surprized at what you get back!

Joanne

P.S. Check out our Effective Communication program with lots of interaction and practice!

This is the third installment on active listening. Last week, I talked about attending behaviours, a simple skill used to show you are 100% focussed on the person talking. How did you do with your attending behaviours this past week? I know I could have been a better listener in some instances. Self-awareness is the start of learning. Practice is the start of mastering a skill.

This week, I’ll describe how asking open questions helps show active listening to enhance communication. First, it’s important to understand the difference between open and closed questions.

Closed Question: A closed question can be answered with either a single word or a short phrase.

Open Question: An open question results in a longer and more detailed answer. 

The skill of active listening through asking open questions is more difficult than attending behaviours because it means changing closed questions to open questions. When teaching this skill, people often turn a closed question into another closed question or into an open question that is almost like a closed question!

While closed questions are good to get, for example, specific information such as “When was the policy drafted?” or “Who drafted the policy?”, the conversation can go no where fast. You are responsible for carrying the discussion. Firing off a series of closed questions seems more like an interrogation that an open discussion. It is  apt to discourage and stop conversations. 

Try changing these closed questions into open questions. 

1. How was your weekend?
2. Are you happy about your promotion?
3. Do you like working on the new project?

How did you make out?

Why are open questions important?

When using open questions, you are encouraging the other person to talk openly about a topic. They take responsibility for the discussion at that point. You will get more information and learn more about a person and the issue when you use open questions. You will be encouraging the other person to think and speak, giving you time to actively listen and learn about the other person’s thoughts and feelings.

If you are a talker, try using open questions the next time you are in a discussion with someone. Need more practice. Check out our Effective Communication program!

Next week, paraphrasing to show active listening!    Joanne

In the last blog, I talked about active listening as a requirement for effective communication. In our Effective Communication program we teach a skill called ”attending behaviour(s)“ to show you are actively listening.

Attending behaviours are any verbal and non verbal behaviour that shows the other person that you are actively listening to them.  Let’s say that Jane is talking to Sam about an incident she had with a co-worker.  Sam would show he is actively listening to Jane by using non-verbal and verbal attending behaviour as follows:

Non Verbal Attending Behaviour:    Sam maintains eye contact with Jane and he nods his head to indicate he is listening. He might tilt his head sideways or mirror the actions of Jane. He doesn’t check his watch, PDA, or computer, while he is listening to what Jane has to say. Jane has his full attention. 

Verbal Attending Behaviour: Along with non-verbal attending behaviour, Sam also uses short phrases or words to show he is listening, such as:   “Uh huh,” “Interesting point,” “Tell me more.”    He verbally follows the conversation meaning he doesn’t change the subject midway through the discussion.

Why are attending behaviours important?

Attending behaviours show that you are actively listening to what the person is saying. You are interested in the topic and this encourages the person to continue talking. This skill helps create an environment of trust where truly open communication can occur. It reduces misunderstanding and conflict and builds relationships.

Attending behaviour is a simple skill that can be practiced and learned. Next time you are in a conversation, take note of your attending behaviours. Are you an expert at active listening or do you need more practice? Are you texting while listening? Do you interrupt or change the subject abruptly? Be aware of your non-verbal and verbal attending behaviour and what they show about your effective listening skills and the importance of the other person. Self-awareness is the first step to improving a skill!

Til next time when I’ll blog about how open questions show active listening,  Joanne

Ever had a conversation with someone who seems distracted or switches conversations in the middle of the discussion. How does that make you feel? Probably not very good. Seems like what you’ve got to say isn’t that important.

One of the best ways to build relationships and to avoid conflict is to actively listen to what the other person has to say. This skill is critical for successfully dealing with people, whether it is a client, an employee, a peer, a customer, or a supplier. Actively listening to another person says that you care about what they have to say. It can help build trust and enhance relationships.

Active listening involves skills that can be learned. The three skills that show active listening are:

• Attending behaviours
• Using open questions
• Paraphrasing

These skills are taught and practiced in our Effective Communications program. Over the next few weeks, I’ll share details about each of these skills.

Why are communication skills important to your company?

Because sending and receiving information is critical for success. Surveys show that people with enhanced communication skills are more successful in business and in life. There are fewer misunderstandings, and conflict. People with excellent communication skills are promoted to higher levels of responsibility. Customer satisfaction improves with better communication skills. Employees are better able to convey information details and to clarify and understand what customers need. With increased communication through social media and the written or texted word, face-to-face communication skills suffer.

Have you had a misunderstanding lately? Think of the last conflict you had. Could active listening have changed the outcome? Share your thoughts in the comments section and stayed tuned for more,

Joanne

2/5 Attending behaviours,    3/5 Using open questions,    4/5 Paraphrasing,    5/5 Conclusion

It has been an interesting week talking to businesses about Bill 168 – Workplace Violence and Harassment. I have heard the following:

• I don’t think we need it. (Any organization in Ontario with over 5 employees needs it.)
• I don’t know too much about Bill 168.  (Don’t worry, we can fill you in on the details.) 
• We’ve been audited a couple of times already. (So audits do happen.)
• I’ve got too many things on my plate. (We can help, that’s what we do best.)

What is Bill 168?

Bill 168 was prompted after an inquest on the murder of nurse Lori Dupont by her ex-boyfriend and co-worker, Dr. Marc Daniel, at an Ontario hospital in 2005. This legislation is intended to protect workers from violence and harassment on the job. Bill 168 will amend the Occupational Health and Safety Act. Employers must develop broader but specific policies and programs to help prevent violence and harassment at work.

That’s where we come in. As an outsourced provider to small to medium businesses operating without an in-house HR department we can help ensure organizations are compliant.

Why outsource?

Because an “outside vendor brings a set of best practices that are outside your company’s expertise.” ~Bill Gates, Business @ The Speed of Thought

With respect to Bill 168, we have a timely and cost effective solution for you. We’ve spent hours researching, attending seminars, and rewriting policies and developing checklists and forms. We’ve put together an outstanding package to ensure compliance with Bill 168.

When is the deadline for Bill 168?

Bill 168 legislation comes into effect on June 15, 2010 and it is necessary for all businesses with 5 or more employees.

What are the fines and penalties for non-compliance with Bill 168?
 

• Anyone (that means individuals in authority positions) who fail to comply can personally be fined up to $25,000 or up to 12 months imprisonment or both!
• Corporations convicted of an offence can be fined up to $500,000!
• And finally, it’s the right thing to do to ensure your employees have a safe place to work!

Policies are not the most exciting part of running a business but they are required by law and therefore, they are necessary. In the last provincial budget, even with cutbacks, the government of Ontario mandated the hiring of additional Employment Standards Officers to ensure safe workplaces in Ontario. That shows you a bit about where their focus will be.

Don’t take the chance of being penalized, especially when a cost-effective solution is here to save you time and money. 

We’d love to make this “headache” disappear just like the other businesses who have signed up this week for our special Bill 168 package and are breathing a bit easier! Take an aspirin and give us a call. 

Joanne

P.S. Read previous blogs about Bill 168

Bill 168 – Workplace Violence – Are you ready?

Ontario Bill 168 – Workplace Violence

P.S.S.  March 31, 2010, the General Minimum Wage in Ontario went up to $10.25 per hour. Make sure you adjust your payroll systems.